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Wednesday, 20 August 2008
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A guide to make the transition from bachelor to Significant-Other a smooth affair.
1. Put the seat back down when you're done.
2. Never hog the blankets.
3. Don't drink straight from the carton. it's rude (apparently)
4. Roll from the bottom, not squeeze from the middle
5. Turn your own socks right-side-out of you want them washed that way
6. Flatulence does nothing for ‘the mood’
7. Don't clip your toenails in bed
8. Use your own toothbrush
9. Reds are considered darks, not lights
10. No cameras in the bathroom
11. Never belch and pretend that it was a hiccup
12. Never drink all of the OJ 'cept for a few drops and put the pitcher back in the fridge
13. Don't expect a kiss if you ate garlic for lunch
14. Never sit around in underwear only
15. Don't use the last of the TP and then pretend you didn't notice. the same goes for Kleenex, don't leave an empty box sitting there
16. Don't pick your earwigs at the table, and Jesus, don't smell your finger afterwards either
17. Discourage the 'there's still some left' game with the shower soap. go get a new bar when it gets low
Also, a few suggestions to consider.. these are items that don't necessarily fit into the category of ‘things that encourage domestic harmony’ but they can help you keep an edge to your sanity. Thus, for the sake of self-preservation (and by extension, the betterment of the couple), I offer these additional words of wisdom.
1. discourage nagging by answering ‘yes, dear’ to all prompts. the topic of discussion is irrelevant. apply as needed, but be ready to duck.
2. roll over your end of the blankets to retain possession of your share before you fall to sleep.
3. convince your partner that you have bad hearing. ask him or her to repeat the question at intermittent intervals. this strategy will prove to be extremely useful if you ever need to stall for time.
4. make the most of a snoring partner by keeping a bottle of bubbles near your bed. note: you can extend your playtime by applying the bubble wand on the exhale, not the inhale (this also works with a harmonica.. for shorter periods though).